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HeAtHeRgIrL
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Name: Heather
Gender: Female
Interests: Living..loving..and laughing (quietly)..well..maybe smiling is more like it...like this..  taking chances, making mistakes...learning from them.
Expertise: looking at things beautifully.
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/27/2003
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| This patience is killing me
when all you can do is wait
the last thing you want
is the time between now and then.
I want to fast forward to you
and then live on pause
staring at the shape of us on the screen
flickering lights in our eyes
photograph frozen in fire
your smile captured between my teeth.
I want our moment on repeat
I want each grazing of hearts against lips to last until the tape runs out.
I want each breath inside us to be forever.
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my lips are eating themselves
slivers of flesh between shiny teeth
peppermint is this moment
burning cold in the air between us
I want to lick you clean
tasting the space behind your eyes
loving the dull ache of all your dark places
losing track of the light’s progress across your face
eyelashes rising up and down like that is where you keep your heart beating
small clam inside your damp palms
cupped
and
throbbing quietly
drowning in our air
reddened meat
exposing itself to midnight
lips pouting pain.
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| whew. life.
all i can say is.....WHEW!
breathless
buoyant
baring
blind
beginning
can you ever just stop and attempt to comprehend something so incomprehensible?
i try, and am flattened by the sheer weight of it all.
It.
All.
perfection found in the coincidental nature of being.
but are there coincidences?
i don't think so.
that would make it too simple. too easy. too predictable.
i don't like the idea of predicting things..."pre-dicting"--dictating before the actual occurrence. it's like playing God. Why do we feel the need to PREdict things? Why do we always feel the need to play God? Is that just the way we are built?
Once you predict the outcome of something, you take away its inherent ability to dictate its own actions, its own movements----you become its master, its God, its puppeteer, its captor. But some things will not allow themselves to be predicted...they will not give us that power over them. That's why when our predictions prove to be wrong we are speechless, we are terrified, we are helpless, we are at the mercy of something other than ourselves, we are adrift. That's when we are free.
life. whew.
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| This song just keeps playing over and over in my head. It is so bittersweet and beautiful and frustrating and makes me want to cry and smile at the same exact time. It's my life, in a nutshell. Well, maybe not a nutshell....but close.
Run--Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
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| There is always that one person.
Out of reach.
As far away as they can possibly be.
But who means more than they should.
Who fills a part of you that you never suspected was empty.
Someone who you barely know, but at the same time know the whole way through.
Someone who knows the shape of your most secret pieces; someone who knows where they fit.
Someone whose hands are patient and steady—piecing you together so softly.
Someone who exists only from the sides of your eyes.
It’s funny how cruel life can be….revealing this person, only to steal him away again—placing him at the opposite end of the world.
The frustration we feel, at being so impossibly far from each other---but we wouldn’t trade what we have for anything—except maybe the chance at being able to reach out and touch the other.
We haven’t heard each other’s voice in almost a year---but we have spent that amount of time getting to know each other on a completely separate level...both speaking truth, for we have nothing to lose. Maybe it’s when you have nothing to lose that you stand having everything to gain. And it’s been amazing, and so completely different than anything else I’ve experienced.
I’ve learned that you don’t need a voice in order to hear the words that form so carefully….they travel the long distance, echoing in the night, landing in the cradle of your ear, repeating softly in your dreams.
So many times we have reached out to each other—fitfully bridging that gap—hoping for something real, something beautiful. And we have not been disappointed.
He just sent me a link to a website he made for me, and it is so sweet and incredibly thoughtful. It’s just so him.
Maybe someday we will keep our promise, compromise, and meet in Canada. Maybe not. But whatever happens, we will always have the gift we gave each other—a connection that cannot be severed. And that means something to both of us.
I think I am officially a hopeless romantic. But that’s ok. I can live with that.
In the meantime, life grudgingly plods on. | | |
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